Lazy 21 year old

a parent is responsible for an adult child if the parent didn't parent when the child was a minor

so very true.

j_r said:
@Pamsp, kicking your son out is an extreme measure and not your only option. It comes with significant personal and legal consequences. Endless efforts to negotiate the small stuff like food or wifi or rent are likely to be fruitless and counterproductive. (You probably already know that.)
You might find that short-term CBT to identify other strategies is helpful. Summit Medical Group has a behavioral health unit with terrific resources.
With all respect to @joan_crystal, you are not responsible for making sure that a functional 21YO adult has resources. (But I do like her idea for a visit to the Corning museum!)

 Not responsible for making sure they have adult resources; but, considering the consequences of kicking them out of the house if they lack these resources.  

How does a parent get to the point where kicking a child out of the home is even considered? And to listen to other family and friends suggest it is beyond me. Sounds like a very dysfunctional environment.

JT, you (and I) have NO IDEA of what the past two decades in pamsp's family life have been like.  

Sometimes there is a severely abusive/dysfunctional spouse in the background, sometimes a tragedy that has eclipsed the parent's ability to cope well, sometimes a child a disability that the other parent simply walks away from.  I grew up in a family where a child had died of leukemia where a parent had previously lost her own parent to suicide.  Dysfunctional doesn't begin to cover it the experience.  You write "dysfunctional environment" like it is a "lifestyle choice" or an avoidable STD.   Count your blessings that you were simply fortunate, and nothing more, to have had an easy home life.

there are times that a kid goes bad even when a parent does a great job.  so many people legitimately took Rx narcotics as prescribed, became addicted, and things went really bad.  I had docs hand out narcotics like candy...as little as 5 years ago and he probably still would give me more if I kept going to him...despite the fact that I only asked for 10 per year for occasional times when certain pain gets out of control.  a kid could have a missed medical condition even though they were taken to the doc....in my experience docs screwed up with me 80% of the time even missing an easy diagnosis like hypothyroid...and if a person were physically sick, they could appear to just be a lazy brat.  My grandmother had 6 kids....5 were normal.  The 6th was known by police from the time he was a kid...They parented all the kids the same.  The 6th got his GF prego around 1960....big scandal at that time...but pulled himself together, joined the military, and ended up raising 4 great kids.....if a parent couldn't parent, even through no fault of their own such as severe illness or extraordinary circumstances..that is still dysfunctional even when no one is at fault..and yes that parent owes the adult child parenting time is the parents situation has improved and they can now parent their adult child

Jaytee said:
How does a parent get to the point where kicking a child out of the home is even considered? And to listen to other family and friends suggest it is beyond me. Sounds like a very dysfunctional environment.

 There are about a million unintended, unforeseeable, unavoidable, uncontrollable, terrifying ways this can happen. If none of them are on your radar or that of those around you, you are indeed fortunate.

A cousin of mine had many problems in his teenage years.  Drug use, illegal activities, and his father even found a gun in his room.  I would have understood the reasoning for kicking him out just based on maintaining safety for the rest of the family.  However, his father stayed the course and my cousin eventually got things turned around.  

I don't really like the term "lazy".  It is judgmental and negative.  My feeling is that when a person is being lazy, there are some underlying problems to be addressed.

i had a friend that acted like a problem child when he was about 17...borrowed parents car, didn't come back for 4 days, threw a wild party when parents went away for the weekend--parents found out when they came home early...he's now more successful (and responsible) than many of his peers

Thank you all for your advice. I guess no one can understand my frustration if they have or know someone who has walked in my shoes. What exactly does lazy mean? I guess it means different things to everyone.

Anyway I guess no one knows my whole story. Anyway who attempted to see my point of view thank you and God bless for helping me to see that there might be a good ending.