R U OK?
I'll go first...
I've just checked with Shemademedothis because it's already 10 Sept here. I thought I was better than I realise now, because I'm crying and shaky.
I'll be OK. But I've lost very close friends this year. Last year one of them reached out from The other side of the world to tell me, every night for quite a while, that she wasn't sure she could handle another day. This talented woman who represented light and laughter and love to so many saw herself as a black abyss of despair and disappointment. We spent hours in the dark, just catching the next breath and releasing the next thought.
I miss her so much, every day; her sunny laughing days, and her dark, sad times.
OK, I'll bite. I'm not so OK myself. I am coming up on the first anniversary of my mother's death and have loaded myself with far too much to deal with this year, and I'm very much inclined to tears. I still cry about my mother every day. I find myself wondering about the grieving process and if this is "normal" and whether I should do something about it. I'm also still quite lonely in CT. As an introvert, it's extremely difficult for me to pursue new friendships without MOL to ease me into things.
I am not a happy camper these days.
Peggy, I'm sorry about the loneliness, and continuing grief too. The anniversaries can be hard, and on top of that you're dealing with her house and things. With luck, someone(s) will appear to help you through.
Things are pretty tough here, too, right now, though I can't go into it where (some) people know me and my family (and not feeling techie enough to get a new ID).
joanne, your friend was so fortunate to have your ear in her days/nights.
E-hugs to all.
I'm sending hugs to both, and to all MOL. I wish I could do more. Feel free to use the PM facility - I always check to see if there's anything waiting for me.
And I'm still wearing a little bit of orange every day.
I think I am more blue because of all the time I'm spending going through Mom's stuff lately and the upcoming anniversary. I was better not too long ago, so maybe it's one of the normal grief waves. Glad to be able to say it, though. My husband and family don't seem to want to hear it.
Joanne, it's a lot of loss to process in one year, and it takes a toll. Be gentle with yourself.
joanne, I'm so sorry you lost someone close to you. mjc, I hope things are better than you realize and/or you are strong enough to handle anything coming your way. peggyC I am right there with you! I can imagine that going through your mother's belongings would unleash tears, and the anniversary too. What's more, I continue to tell everyone who crosses my path that I want to move back to Maplewood. Believe me they are all sick of me. A woman I knew from college came to my father's wake, and I said, "Will you be my friend in Maine?" She said yes so I may be able to make it up here.
I hate to mention that I'm still grieving the loss of my beautiful dog, who died last month so unexpectedly. I know it isn't on a par with losing a parent or a dear friend, but Freddie was such a sweet and loving companion and we thought we'd have had him for much longer than just 3 years. We got the diagnosis of lymphosarcoma on the 3-year-anniversary of his joining our family, and he died in my arms just a week later. We had no warning and he showed no symptoms until the end of July and he was dead by the second week of August. The house is so empty without him and I miss him so much. The rest of the family isn't ready for another dog just yet, so I won't just go out and try to find another one. No one dog can ever replace another, but they can fill the empty spot in your house and your heart.
Nothing seems to be much fun any more and I really miss my little boy.
Grief takes many forms. Sometimes it stays with us for a long time, then slowly goes back into hiding only to re-appear on Holidays, birthdays, and other anniversaries. It can come when we are happy or we are struggling. Try to look at it as a hug from the other side. I have been taught that when we feel the intensity of the grief that loved one is near. Embrace that love and you will help yourself heal.
You may want to take time for yourself and set up a sacred space with a picture or 2, an object, collar, leash or toy. Sit there quietly for as long as you need. Do this daily. Use this time to journalise your feelings, thoughts and or emotions. Look for signs; songs, scents, pennies from heaven, sounds. This mild form of mediation, even if done for 10 minutes every day will help
An interesting thing happening here, where I'm so disgusted by the actions and policies of those in government. I've been corresponding with my Member of Parliament (a junior Cabinet member; I don't agree with their views), and a member of his staff rang yesterday to check the details of my latest letter. We spoke for a while. She has also recently lost a dear friend, and I said I'd drop past today so we could share a hug.
I did, with a rose from my garden - she knew me as soon as she opened the door. It's OK to be different, OK to be angry and OK to be human because we're both passionate about our community. People matter.
You might remember my younger friend Sam died earlier in the year too. And I miss her as much as I miss the friend about whom I wrote above. Her sister has finally formally written to let me know I have inherited her extensive Star Trek collection. Sam was an avid collector, and moderated a couple of fan sites. Her sister is quite dismissive of this bequest and thinks I will be too. (She really had little time for her sister)
I'm still wearing a little bit of purple, for Sam, every day. As well as the orange.
Mjc, Cody, lisat, I'm sending PVs and wishes of strength and patience, and lots courage.
In your dark hours, when you're saddest or most lonely, reach out. Chances are I'll be online desperately looking for someone to talk with... 
my days are your nights.
Peggy, I hope you slept well!
Ms Sumida, thank you for your calm. Your post helped me, too.
I hope others feel they can post or text, or ring someone if not a MOLer. This is for more than one day.
Funny you should mention sleep... I've been having a terrible time getting to sleep at night and am waking up very early every day. Maybe four hours a night. Not life-threatening, but not good either.
I have been absorbing so many of Mom's things into my home/wardrobe that I think my husband suspects I've lost my marbles. But I think Mom had wonderful taste and it makes me feel comforted. Still, I feel resentment coming off Jim in waves. Maybe I'm imagining that?
At least I start singing again this Sunday. That will help. And I really need to start exercising again, but I just don't feel the urge.
Joanne, all that purple and orange must lift your heart every time you look in a mirror, or down! At least, I hope so. >
<
Hair accessories, mostly! One thing about living in the subtropics, you can wear flowers in your hair, and no-one questions why. As a larger woman, people just assume I have some kind of Islander or arty connection.
Peggy, do keep up with the Pilates and yoga. Two reasons: it will be a rough winter otherwise, but more importantly your vocal quality will be richer. 
I haven't been too good lately. My husband was recently diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and is scheduled for major surgery on Tuesday (9/15). I am trying to stay calm and keep him calm as well. Hopefully, I will be better on Wednesday.
I will be thinking of you and your husband, joan_crystal and wishing you both the best outcome possible.
Many good thoughts for your husband, joan_crystal. Hoping the surgery goes well for him.
Joan, such an awful feeling to carry as you both face friends and crowds for New Year. Sending wishes for refuah scheleimah, and a healthy year filled with laughter and love, and strength for whatever lies ahead.
You have such strong networks I know that you won't face this alone. But it's hard not to wear a happier face than you really feel...please use all the resources available, you're a wise woman, and you'd tell someone else she should. Be strong, and of good courage! ><
Joan, sending prayers for your husband, you and your family, for a positive outcome for the upcoming surgery
Oh, Joan. Wishing strength and peace to both you and Bernie. Hope he comes through like a champion.
Thank you everyone for your words of support/encouragement. They mean a lot to both of us.
Joanne: Life trumps ritual as we go into the new year. For once, we won't be attending high holy day services in person. Temple has already been notified. Rather we will do the work necessary to turn on the computer and participate in the services from home - synagogue offers live streaming over their website. To paraphrase: Next year in the synagogue.
Is there something the temple can do to bring the service to you both? I have no idea what's possible, but I remember when I had a badly sprained ankle and my mother was newly moved to assisted living, the deacon at St. Stephen's asked me if I would still like to take communion, which I was still doing back then (I was part of the choir). Little did I know that meant the minister would actually walk through the congregation and up into the choir loft to give me a personal blessing. I was beyond embarrassed to be the center of attention that way, but I was also moved to tears.
My point being that the rabbi/congregation might have a way to extend some way of being included to both of you, knowing what it means to you.
As I mentioned in my post, the services will be streamed live over the Internet.
Peggy, the other thing that happens at this time of year is that rabbis make extra effort for those who miss services due to ill health or family concerns, and arrange home visists for the next couple of weeks. This allows for other small rituals and customs connected with the High Holy Days, the festivals which follow in quick succession (Sukkot, shemini atzereth, Simchat Torah) and also for wellbeing/consolation visits, which are a neighbourly mitzvah.
Erev has dawned here, I'm getting ready to bake my cakes. Tonight I'll sing the bracha for healing with your family in my heart, Joan, and pray for a return to full health.
That is what I had in mind, Joanne, and it is much like what a lot of Christian clerics would do.
I am deeply depressed this morning. In addition to everything else I've been dealing with for the past few years, it is now looking more and more like divorce is looming on the horizon. I'm terrified about how I might manage on my own if this comes to pass, and more unhappy than I can ever remember being. Wasn't losing my mother, moving away from all my friends, and changing houses twice in two years enough??
No, I am not OK.
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10 September is R U OK Day. The theme this year is Reach Out and Save a Life.
R U OK? Does anyone want to open up or quietly whisper that things don't feel good just now? Their world is crumbling, and hope seems lost?
It's safe here. Change your screen name if you want, or have a PM conversation with someone you trust. But please don't carry the burden alone, let us help.